Sunday, November 1, 2009

When uncomfortable, I support getting the need met

Today I spent the day cooking for a swim banquet that the team has every fall. I made stuffed shells and garlic bread plus Gramma's famous fudge. I convinced Ashley and Jeremy to come too, so 7 of us went, 2 cars just in case someone needed something other than to be at the banquet. First off Riley was upset because his coach somehow forgot 4 of his 13 records. Riley is an accurate guy, so I went with him to talk to his coach and from there it all got cleared up, so by the time the awards were announced, the correct ones were listed. Yea for communicating what is happening. Riley announced that he went from really upset to all good without any big outward expression. I feel good having facilitated this with him, helping voice his truth, trusting his expectations, and getting his need met.

Gramma came with us and she didn't really want to come, didn't grasp what we were going to, and overall was feeling pretty unsure of her self. She feels she embarrasses people and it's sad to know she believes this about herself. There is nothing embarrassing about her to me, but it's how she feels. She had an easy time walking in, we sat before the crowds came, I sat her near the exit and close to the restroom. It was good for a while, we ate our potluck dinner and then she got a little antsy. She calls it square butt, her bottom gets sore form sitting in her walker, but she doesn't want to sit any where else, so.... She got square butt and I took her out to the hallway to chill and get away from the noise. She was wondering how much longer? She wanted to know if she had to stay and I said, "no, you don't have to stay, it's easy to get you home." I asked her to hold on and think about it for a bit and she did. She knew it was something she should do, but her own discomfort was making it hard for her to stay. Yup, she wanted to go home, so we did just that. I had Riley come out and give her a hug. He was a bit sad for a moment, the expectation of having his Gramma at the awards night was changing.

I love where I live. Davis is so small and simple to get around town. In 18 minutes I was back at the banquet after driving her home, tucking her in and giving her some vitamins. Tessa decided to stay home with her. I got back to the banquet right before Riley's awards started and was there for all the recognitions of his swim accomplishments. Ashley and Jeremy were there too and Tim. It was all good, easy, and I think everyone got their needs met. I even took Ashley and Jeremy out for ice cream and cupcakes because all the desserts were gone by the time they went to get theirs.

Gramma did shower again today. She still has a difficult time with the whole shower thing, but physically it is much easier for her to be in the shower because of the bars. I can tell I need some support/understanding about helping with her dementia. I plan to contact the senior center tomorrow and see what info they have and if there are any mental mind game activities around town. Gramma does seem like she just wants to be comfy in bed with her stuffies. She has been having bad dreams lately about dying and having cancer and such. It makes her feel anxious when she wakes up. She asks me several times a day if she's dying. She also asks if she is getting better or worse? I don't really have answers for her. She has a hard time making decisions, like today it didn't matter if she got up at 11, which was 10 or later. It bothered her that she didn't know what to do and she told me to tell her what to do. First I told her to decide what to do. She laughed and said no really, just tell me to get up or not get up. I said get up then and she did. Tomorrow we will take a little walk in the sunshine. Each day I set one goal for us, today it was going to the banquet, yesterday it was wearing a witch costume and chatting with the little kids, tomorrow it's a walk.

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