Saturday, February 27, 2010

Wow, February is almost over

February 27th. One more day until March starts and I have zero posts for Feb. When I started writing this blog I had big intentions to make a summary of everyday, as a living diary of our life now that Gramma lives with us. Life, a new job, theater, playing with my kids, shopping trips,and sharing the computer all contribute to my lack of writing, as does my own motivation to actually make a post.

Update. Gramma has been more confused in some ways, less interested in anything other than her meals most days, but what I see is if I make chooses for her, she will go along. I find I am flowing between what my mom needs, what my kids need, each one unique, what I need, what the house needs...And since Gramma is comfortable, it can be easy to keep things simple and not work so hard to entertain her. She hasn't wanted to watch the Olympics with us, nor American Idol, even though Ellen D is a judge. She has asked to watch Good Morning America though. I try to connect with her over food, always asking her for advice how to cook. I recently steamed her some brussel sprouts, having her walk me through the entire process, from cutting the stems, to stemming, to testing if they are done. Tessa continues to keep connected to Gramma, and Ashley is making an effort too. Riley is pleasant at best and walks away when he has trouble coping. I keep talking with him and so far, he is really showing maturity with his tolerance.

Visits from my sister and her kids followed with my mom crying a lot. Somehow she feels when ever someone gives her attention, it's because they know she is dying. She is so very afraid of dying, that she will stay under her covers and hide from life as to not die. I have been light with her and continue to point out how she is living....She enjoys in the moment when she has conversations with her family and friends, but she also has more emotions following the conversations. Lots of hugs, lots of I love you, and so glad we all share this house help her move through the moments. Awhile back she got very sad about her son Mike, who passed away several years ago. We sat and cried and talked about him and what was interesting is it was near his B-day that the sadness came about.

She does remember day to day stuff, sporadically and I think she has more memory than she chooses to use. When asked very specific questions, like who did you taxes, she tells me all about them. When asked if she snacked in the middle of the night, she says, I don't know. When I ask how she liked the midnight snack, she says, I had a fiber bar and a banana, so...she knows, she wants to please, she doesn't ever want to feel she is bugging anyone, she wants to be loved, experience love and stay cozy and warm.

Yesterday we went to Thomas' new shop and it started to pour down rain. We had fun, Gramma had to walk pretty far, and when we were through she lept into the car with so much agility, she looked like a little kid. It was fun to see her out in a rain storm, you could see it was stressing her out, walking was challenging, she wanted to get to the car and out of the rain. We had an umbrella for her to keep her new Do all dry. Fun.