Sunday, January 8, 2012

Finding a Way to Understanding

Well, I did get away yesterday. I went to prune roses at one of my favorite client's homes. I love the work I did. I got to use my femanly strength to dig out old old roses after carefully pruning the keepers. I almost broke a shovel handle. There is nothing like good physical work with a purpose and strong wind to blow away the stagnant airs of a bad night's sleep. I went out again later in the evening too, as last night was the yearly swim banquet for our local swim committee, Sierra Nevada. Riley was awarded for his top in the Nation swims, our age group coach and head coach both received awards and one of our senior swimmer's received female swimmer of the year. It was a good night out and the Davis Aquadarts were the Grand supremes...(a little too much toddler and Tiara with Tessa lately).

I had a break through, thinking about helping my mom get to a place of making a decision. She knows what surgery looks like and is scared, as anyone one be. What she can't grasp is what not having surgery will be like. That is a bigger scarier unknown to me. What does colon cancer look like when left untreated? What happens when a  colon blocks from a large tumor. We have all been told, but we don't really know. None of us have experienced these things, and my mom especially is having a very real hard time seeing this path. It seems when she says no to surgery, she thinks life will continue as it is now, which is warm and comfy and easy for her. She is doing amazing, the water weight she had is resolving itself and she is moving better than she has. Today she is active in our conversations, is clear in her eyes, and seems a bit more here. So today when she asks me again, what happens if I don't have surgery...I will try to paint that very real scary picture for her, so she can see that not having surgery is also very scary, and painful, and could result in death too. Surgery may be scary, my sister pointed out, it could go just fine...she could wind up cancer free and strong following this procedure. She could, after recover, add years to her life. We don't know though, and that leaves us in a place of indecision and confusion.

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