Helping to find answers

Every morning I am greeted with big questions from Gmom. Usually it is related to something she is very afraid of. Today's question:

"Do I have to go back to the hospital?"

Remember, we are working to help her decide to have major colon surgery, so I paused, and this is what I said:

"Yes, you will have to go back to the hospital, either sooner if you decide to have surgery or later when your colon blocks and you have emergency surgery."

I liked how I came up with a yes, you do answer. Often I find myself answering to give her comfort in the moment. I could answer, "No, not today" or "not unless you decide on surgery", but is that the truth? No! The truth is, in her condition, she will wind up hospitalized or dead eventually if she doesn't have a surgery or she will walk into the hospital and say, "I am ready, fix this gut of mine".

Dementia makes conversations swirly and what is said in the moment doesn't always stick, so later today I suspect I will be answering her again when she asks,

"Do I have to go to the Hospital again?"

Going to KICK Cancer's Butt...

Today we had the "here is the deal" appointment with the surgeons. Yes, the mass in the colon is cancer. To treat it, we recommend surgery. Yes, gmom is at a higher risk than the average Jane, being 80, and obese, and having an aortic stint, but...she is strong enough to recommend surgery...and to remove the cancer is to stop it from taking over her. Now add dementia...a little tantrum in the doctor's office, a little forgetting where we are and why we are here...and it really is a challenge to figure out...What does this woman really want to do with her body that has an 8cm mass of cancer hanging out in her colon, which is near blocking the darn exit of waste.

My sister and I both participated in the appointment with gmom and it was very helpful to have her there, to be the extra hands maneuvering the chair, to ask the straight out questions, like "what do you recommend, what's your opinion on the risk of surgery vs. not." We were given many different options, some to deal with the possibilities of a blocked colon that do not address the cancer and the big one, take it out, see what the beastly large intestine looks like, and figure out on the spot how to rehook up all the plumbing so that what goes in does come out. Not a pretty picture. It might be several inches, it might be THE ENTIRE COLON...we won't know until we get in there. OK then, let's do this cancer removal project...We just need to make sure Gmom wants this. It looks like she is ready to fight it, she doesn't seem done yet, if you know what I mean... She's got spunk, and humor and a twinkle in her eye, when she's not worrying about cancer and surgery...

For me as I help her become comfortable in her shoes about what she wants, I am saying...Gmom is going to kick cancer's butt...she's going to open up her belly, have the mass removed, get some new plumbing hook ups and so be it...Cancer will not take this lady down...She might take a little time to rebound from such a big surgery, but rebound she will...cancer, and maybe colon free!